Debbie and I are speaking this weekend on Honor in the Home. We are talking specifically about giving and receiving Honor. Here is where you come in. We could use your help!
Feel free to answer any or all of the below questions by leaving a comment.
1. Why is it easier to give honor to those outside of the home instead of to those closest to you?
2. What are ways men dishonor their wives?
3. What are ways women dishonor their husbands?
4. What do you think holds you back from giving honor in the home?
5. How would you complete the following sentence? I would feel honored if my spouse would _______________________.
Thanks everybody!
1. Why is it easier to give honor to those outside of the home instead of to those closest to you? That is a great question…hmmm…maybe it’s that those you don’t know have never “caused” your bad day…they have never “shared” their trash with you.
2. What are ways men dishonor their wives? Disregarding their feelings.
3. What are ways women dishonor their husbands? this one is a hard one for me to answer….I’m going to take some time and give it more though…get back to you later.
4. What do you think holds you back from giving honor in the home?Holding onto past hurts.
5. How would you complete the following sentence? I would feel honored if my spouse would Dote on me…speak well of me to others.
If you haven’t read it yet…GET A COPY (or better yet TWO coppies) Of Love and Respect by Dr. Emmerson Eggerichs. It is an amazing marriage “game changer”. Also The Love Dare is fantastic…40 day journey based on the movie Fireproof
3. Ways women dishonor their husbands…trash talk about thier husbands…put him down.
1. First, I think that honor is learned (or taught) and if your parents don’t set a good example it’s hard to follow. I also think that on some level you expect those closest to you to love you and accept you no matter what. I also believe you know their baggage and it’s easier to hold that against them.
2. Men dishonor their wives by not listening. I also have found that in my situation my husband feels he has “already gotten me” so why keep up the romance and saying nice things to me.
3. I agree with Emily above that putting your husband down especially in front of others is a huge way to dishonor them. I also think if you put them down or negate them in front of their children you are totally dishonoring them.
4. I have found that even when I don’t want to bring up past things I do. And holding onto that resentment makes me feel like I am justified in not honoring my husband. As far as honoring my children, I have found that on the days I am most frustrated with them the last thing on my mind is to build them up (even though I know that’s when I need to build them up the most).
5. I would feel honored if my spouse would be more romantic and compliment me more on taking care of myself, the children and our home.
Oh and I also agree that Fireproof is a must-watch movie for all people in a relationship or who want to be in a relationship.
1. Why is it easier to give honor to those outside of the home instead of to those closest to you? A big factor is that people who don’t know you very well will be so much more appreciative of the “good deeds” you do. The nice things you do in your home are sometimes “expected” while nice things done to friends or strangers usually come as a welcomed surprise.
2. What are ways men dishonor their wives? Adultery, not helping out around the house, watching porography, comparing their wives to other woman and expecting them to live up to those imaginary expectations.
3. What are ways women dishonor their husbands? Adultery, comparing them to other men, spending money foolishly, selfishness, complaining about their spouses to friends instead of communicating their feelings to their spouse so that they can work it out.
4. What do you think holds you back from giving honor in the home? Pride, selfishness, thinking that it will always be expected..and you don’t want to start something that you “don’t want to” keep doing.
5. How would you complete the following sentence? I would feel honored if my spouse would let me go out with friends without any sarcastic, guilt-ridden comments.
Great questions – I agree with Emily and Heather.
1.)It’s definitely easy for me to honor those I’m not close to – even when they HAVE hurt or dishonored me. (Ex.boss, coworker,stranger – it’s easy to follow God’s rules if I’m not emotionally connected.)
2.)Husbands dishonor wives by not putting their wives needs,wants,likes,feelings..etc.. into their ‘top 10 things to pay attention to’.
3.) Wives dishonor husbands by not respecting them. In public esp. but privately is important too.
4.) Repeated, unacknowledged hurts, and fear of the next time they’re going to happen keep me from honoring in the home.
5.) I would feel honored if my husband was content.
1. Why is it easier to give honor to those outside of the home instead of to those closest to you? We know each other too well. We have prejudged feelings about how those in the home respect us and they us.
2. What are ways men dishonor their wives? Not listening when they go off on their 20,000 words when all we can usually handle is about 50.
3. What are ways women dishonor their husbands? Not respecting us, not letting the husband make many decisions even when the husband is “willing” to make decisions.
4. What do you think holds you back from giving honor in the home? I guess because I sometimes feel like I’m the one giving and not receiving. I don’t think I’m that selfish (you’d have to ask the others in my family about that one) but I guess there is a hangup that many men have in that they are waiting for their wives to submit/respect their husband before the men can truly show the love/honor that their wives deserve. I realize it’s a two way street but our inner selfishness makes us feel that we need to receive on occassion before we can keep giving. Perhaps that’s the deposit you were talking about last week. If we feel we are always doing withdrawals (doing things for others) then we get burned out, get disgruntled and feel everyone else owes us now and then.
5. How would you complete the following sentence? I would feel honored if my spouse would _respect my decision making more freely (without the rolling of the eyes, without the “why do you want “that” for your Christmas present… things like that.______________________.
Women Dishonor their husbands by not letting them be the head of the household. True discuss things but as GOD wanted it let the man be in charge. I feel if a husband does work and a wife is home that she should help him in whatever ways she can with outside work, as well share chores. Do them together.This can be qualty time for you both.
Men dishonor women by not listening. You do not have to ALWAYS FIX THE PROBLEM, just lend a ear. That is all we basically want most of the time. Pay compliments even when the wife may look a little “rundown” so to speak or disheveled. Tell them they still look as cute as when you met them. A stay at home mom can really end up depressed, and being with kids all day they need ME time offer her a bath some alone time, light some candles draw a bath, put some chocolates in there. And you chill with the kids awhile get them in bed and have grown up talk time. This will really honor your bride. Do not dishonor each other in front of the children speak of good things about your mate lift them up do not put them down in front of children or friends. I deal with family resentment past hurts from my father and my ex husband, I need to learn to honor them as GOD would want me to forgive I will not forget but I should make amends before it is too late and not get a chance. My mother died before I could reconcile with her I did not honor her we had made plans to but she died the week before Christmas and us getting together, after not speaking for 7 years. It was her fault but foolish pride kept me from wanting to be the one who ended the fight. I am working on this with my fatgher now, I need GOD’s help and guidance.
1.) It’s easier to honor outside the home because honoring outside the home is often used to “get ahead” in people’s eyes. Honoring people in our current era is most often a way to benefit oneself, and not as the way it is intended, to honor whomever you are honoring. This is a moral and ethiocal question more than an activity question. Those with high standards and high values, honor because it is the right and just thing to do. Unfortunately the masses today “use” it to gain an advantage. Leverage has become the name of the game, and who needs leverage at home?
4) What holds you back from giving honor in the home:Selfishness; being dishonored; insecurities; addictions; un-healed hurts; bitterness; rivalry; lack of communication; not having Jesus in your life and/or not putting Him first.
Fantastic stuff…..keep it coming….Debbie and I are reading this and reworking our talk.
Along with honor goes Respect. In some circles it is said that they would rether be feared then loved. I would rather be respected then loved. People do and say the most awful things to each in the name of love. Like I love you but I don’t like you. But when you respect someone you talk to them properly and treat them as you would want to be treated. When you respect someone then it is easy to give honor when it is due.
1. My husband’s love for me is an awesome example of Christ’s unconditional love, and yet I do not honor him as I should. Why? Because I am often selfish and looking to have my own needs met before thinking about his. I focus on the temporal instead of the eternal, which causes me to lash out in anger instead of responding with patience and kindness. I always feel remorse after I have dishonored him and I almost always apologize immediately, but sometimes the damage has already been done and it takes days for his heart and ego to heal. I know that he will always forgive me and love me, and I take advantage of that. I am almost always kind, loving and patient to others outside of my home because they don’t show me that same unconditional love- I feel like I’m always having to earn it so I’d better be nice.
3. One of my biggest grievences is women who disrespect their husbands in public. It makes them look terrible-not their husbands. The biggest way women dishonor their husbands is by not showing them respect.
4. I am held back from showing honor in the home when I allow my heart to brew in bitterness: “I’m the only one who cares; I’m the only one who is doing anything around the house; I’m the only one who is trying to save money.”
5. I would feel honored if my spouse would compliment me more in public. I make a point to talk him up to others (I am very good at honoring him when we are outside of the house), and it would show me great honor if he said “many women do noble things but you surpass them all” Proverbs 31:29 or some variation of that.
I think honor is something that takes soooo much work. However it should not. I believe the more honor we dish to our family , friends, church, spouse……. honor will eventually come easy if we can train ourselves to do just that. It is sooooooo easy to take for granted the ones who are closest to us. In turn we fail to honor these ppl. I found when my hubby and I focus on our home , and focus on Jesus being our foundation we honor, honor , honor. So many times we turn a blind eye or deaf ear on the things that matter most and we drift away from our God. Just like everything Honor takes much work. I have been with my hubby for 19 years and we have always struggled with honoring one another the way we should. We have always been best of friends, we can do anything together. But we need to work on honor! Honor in our home, as well as work, church, school, simply going to the mall. We will get it right!?!? first things first… focus on our solid foundation which is Jesus and build on that foundation to make it stronger!! I remember when pastor buddy said…..”own your own behavior!!” I believe this is key to many parts of life. When you own it, you can fix it and then your on your way to recovery and before you know it your core of your life is Jesus and everything else will fall into play. Ofcourse with good hard work on your part. Honoring everyone sounds easier than it is. I can be stubborn…very stubborn at times! So for me many things take so much work. Thank you Pastor Buddy..I say this all the time…But you have no idea how you have gotten through to me! That alone is a challenge! lol! And you really have no idea what a difference you have made in my life! Thank you again!
1. Why is it easier to give honor to those outside of the home instead of to those closest to you? I think it’s because in the depths of our hearts we know that family is always there, and will always love us no matter what…but people outside the home don’t know us as well and we seek their approval. Sometimes we need need an outlet and our family tends to get the brunt of it…it doesn’t make it right, but we let it happen.
2. What are ways men dishonor their wives? Maybe seeing them as the lesser half…thinking if women as supposed to be submissive then their thoughts and opinions aren’t as important.
3. What are ways women dishonor their husbands? Not giving them the respect they deserve and trusting them to be the leader of the family. Treating them the same as we would our children.
4. What do you think holds you back from giving honor in the home? Getting caught up the daily hardships..letting it get the best of us. We let things get us down or angry and we forget to focus on the good and treat each other with Love respect and honor.
5. How would you complete the following sentence? I would feel honored if my spouse would put God first and me second. Going to God before making decisions and taking my wishes and opinions in consideration.
1. Why is it easier to give honor to those outside of the home instead of to those closest to you?
This is a very interesting, for my personal family background,
I spent most of my almost 33 years (on Palm Sun. YAY!) asking the same
exact question. Read the responses & agree wholeheartedly.
2. What are ways men dishonor their wives? By fearing communication rather
than develop news way to do so.
3. What are ways women dishonor their husbands? Again, in agreeance with
others here….I cringe when women bad-talk their husbands…both in front
of them & when they are not around.
4. What do you think holds you back from giving honor in the home? Frustration
with consistent patterns of poor choices by my loved ones.
5. How would you complete the following sentence? I would feel honored if my spouse would (difficult to answer, as my spouse currently consists of 2 black labrador retrievers) but to
submit a response: taking the time & focus to communicate feelings above all
other responsibilities.
Thank you for your transparency….everybody….great thought provoking stuff….keep it coming!!!
At first, I wasn’t quite sure what the focus of honor w/in ‘Speak Up’ was going to be about….And now things are really starting to click….now eagerly awaiting tomorrow morning,
Thank you so much for shining light on honor, as I’m learning that this seemingly simplistic ideal may be THE forgotten cornerstone to a content life for myself as well as others.
no pressure or anything guys!
Hi Buddy and Debbie! My husband John and I were so blessed by the service this morning at Colonie! We can really feel God working through Northway as well as in our lives. Northway truly has blessed us and our marriage, and i am not sure we would be where we are as a couple, if we didnt have Northway! God bless you both and we are so thankful for you and Debbie! Love, Jen
1. Why is it easier to give honor to those outside of the home instead of to those closest to you? We’re selfish and take advantage of the situation.
2. What are ways men dishonor their wives?
Lack of respect. Being over-lording, demanding and childish. We don’t want them to be our mother, yet at times we act like children. Authority should always lead to gentleness and meekness. Jesus had all authority and his response was to wash feet. If we rule like servants and serve like kings then we represent Him well.
3. What are ways women dishonor their husbands?
Lack of respect, manipulation, and deception.
4. What do you think holds you back from giving honor in the home?
We don’t want to be vulnerable. Honor means being vulnerable and we don’t want to be vulnerable to those who have hurt us. It’s a pride issue. We want to hold onto the past to justify our negative actions. But just as you’ve been hurt, you’ve also caused hurt. We need to remember it goes both ways. Just b/c men don’t share their feelings(which we should do MUCH more) the hurt is still the same.
5. How would you complete the following sentence? I would feel honored if my spouse would
Be honest and understand that we are different. Appreciate and value the strengths, accept the deficiencies, and find happy ways to compromise on some of the imperfections.
Husbands and wives need to be rooted and grounded in love. Confident of who they
are in Christ. Looking at someone to complement their life, not complete it. We must encourage and challenge with love to enlarge our hearts in the love of God.
i think we find it easier to honor those out side the home ,because i think we sometimes feel like those who we are close to ,are going to be there whenever.. i think we seek to impress those out side of the home,we put a hugh effort into acting good around them ,being nice, trying to please them and we think it is okay to give any or all of our left over feelings and actions to those who mean the most to us..instead we should realize we are honored by GOD to have these people in our lives so our lives should be lived honoring them…..there’s a saying wake up and smell the flowers but that can only happen if we give the “flowers to people while they are alive to smell them…life is short honor those closet to us now!!! men tend to dis honor their wives by looking down on them, by always seeing the negative only…thinking and acting like they are more important then the wife is.. they dis honor the wives but allowing what went on in their home growing up to determine who they are today as a spouse…they don’t open up to their wife with their honest thoughts,wants fears and goals… wives dis honor their husbands by assuming that men and husbands know what we want and exspected to do it no matter what.. woman tend to take their husbands for granted…… We say we give GOD our Honor but we have to honor those dearest to us now because that honors GOd…
First let me honor both you and Debbie and say t hank you for an incredible series and an incredible past year. I have been a member for a year on the first weekend of March. You are both amazing and this church is a huge part of our life and our family.
1) I think it is easier to honor others outside of the home because you dont usually have a history with those. I think things at home are expected but there is also history, pain and hurt….then I think we close up and start protectingn outselves again and shutting those out who have hurt us.
2 throgh 5 ) I agree with all above….
I would love if we had a couples group through Northway. I think it would be very beneficial.
Also – this series has been very powerful in our home – thank you….
I would also like to talk about forgiveness. It is something that is difficult for all of us on many levels. Forgiveness and forget ….I know that this is something that holds me back from all other work…I am probably not alone on this
I just have a question to Pastor Buddy…while talking about Honor in the Home and how important it is between a husband and wife, but I’m also curious what about honoring our children? I hear so often, I don’t need to honor them. I need to teach them right from wrong. I disagree so strongly. I think you teach your children honor by honoring them. However, I think that honor and discipline can be easily confused when it comes to our children. Because of course we want our children to grow into well behaved, socially acceptable and successful adults so discipline is of course is important. It seems like it can be confused that honoring your children is giving them free reign to walk all over you…but of course it is not…how do you teach this and discipline at the same time? AND what do you do when you and your spouse don’t see eye-to-eye on this issue?
Honor is not completely lost in this culture! We honor the people in our home and outside our home every night at dinner. (Yes we have family dinner every night) We have “The Candle of Honor” that we present to one of our children, each other, focused on God, guests who come and those not even here but need our honor. We light the candle place it in front of the person and say why we each honor that person tonight. Recently, when we were in a major car accident, we honored God for keeping us safe and bringing us through such a terrible event. We honor Brad when he is not even there but working hard for us. If I forget, my children will remind me! They love being honored and they love honoring others. Our favorite part is the look on a guest’s face when we honor them. Pastor Buddy we think you are awesome and you have had and will have a place of honor in our home! Bring your home to HNL!