Lonely.

A lot of my issues with food began in college. I was a student in Lynchburg, VA, and I couldn’t find a job. I tried everywhere and finally landed a job working at High’s Dairy…sort of like Stewarts in the Northeast. Needless to say, my paycheck could barely cover the rent in the “previously condemned apartment” I was living in. There was actually a rat that would come out at night…I kid you not. It was like that movie, “Ben.” Anybody remember that Michael Jackson song?

At any rate, I digress. That was a season of loneliness I have never forgotten. Believe me, I’ve tried! I lost an extreme amount of weight. I went from 220 to 170…not because I wanted to…but because I literally didn’t have food. I remember not eating all day and then at the close of the store, I would eat “well done” left over hot dogs. Pretty gross right? In between paychecks, I would live on bologna sandwiches as that was the cheapest thing I could find in the grocery store.

Now before I answer why I’m sharing this…let me make a clarification. As I mentioned in the first post, I struggle asking for help…consequently my parents had no clue. So this is no reflection on them. So why am I sharing something I have never shared? Because I never felt more alone than at that time in my life, and I have never felt hunger like that either. Subsequently and subconsciously I associate hunger with loneliness. I remember making a decision that “if I ever get out of this situation…I never want to feel hungry or lonely AGAIN.”

How have I done? I have followed thru in my commitment with the “hunger thing.” Lonely? Not so much. I still get lonely from time to time, but I use food to medicate that loneliness…especially late at night. That’s some of my junk. I’m sure you have your own. I just wanted to get it out there. I think this is another reason that I was so sacred to come here.

I didn’t want to feel ALONE.

Who will be my roommate? Drum roll please! badabadabadabada……

Andy!

Andy is from Long Island, New York and now lives in North Carolina. He is a cool dude and we hit it off pretty good as we are close to the same age. I got to tell you though, it’s a little strange having a roommate at this stage of my life. I’m starting to have flashbacks to college. Yikes! Now, Andy is a great dude…but he’s not pretty like Debbie nor does he smell as good. I guess that’s a good thing when I think about it. It’s just going to be tough being away from the family…but I know it’s for the best because it will help me focus on the goal at hand.

Get this,as you know I wanted to keep the whole “I’m a pastor” thing on the down low. Why? Typically in social settings when people ask me what I do and I respond, “I’m a Pastor,” people get freaky! Really! It’s as if I’ve said I work for the IRS or something. People start confessing to me. They apologize for things they have said, cuss words they have used…affairs they have had…you name it. It’s really kind of funny.

Well, Day One came and went, and I was staying stealth like under the radar. Day Two, Andy says to me…”Buddy, I have a question for you.” Sure, what’s up, Andy? “Are you a minister?” Busted! Why yes I am. “I knew it!…I just knew it! I could tell!” How could he tell? I’m baffled.

Do I send off some weird Pastor vibe?

I packed my bags and prepared myself for camp. Camp? Yeah, sort of like camp for adults.  I found this place that instructs you in nutrition, stress, and fitness. This three prong approach was relevant to my situation, and I figured I had everything to lose and desired nothing to gain.  So, I went for it!

I got to tell you God has allowed me to accomplish a lot of difficult things in my life, but I can’t remember being this scared! Seriously. I thought the hardest thing was making the decision to go, and then talking to my family.  But to actually get on that plane was terrifying! I think the fear of failure freaked me out.  I’m so nervous if this doesn’t work…I’m toast!

Well, I kissed my bride goodbye…jumped on a plane and hours later landed. I had no clue what to expect. What would the other people be like here? Would they torture me like the Biggest Loser show? What will happen if they find out I’m a Pastor?  How can I keep that one on the down low?

Who will be my roommate?

Weight Issues+ Stress+ Doctors Visits+ Blood Work= High Risk

Crossroads is a great description for where I am. I feel intuitively that if I don’t beat this thing this time, I’m done. I’m not trying to be dramatic…I just know it. Besides, my options from the doc are not too bright if I don’t.

I recently heard that asking for help is a great compliment. I like the sound of that because I stink at it. Just ask my wife. It’s a pride thing. Now with the latest self-imposed equation in my life, I know I have to ask for help beyond myself. I simply don’t have the skills or history to do this on my own. One of the first things I did was pull my family together and we talked. I should say I talked. I was extremely nervous…but the talk went something like this…

Dad has a problem. My weight is out of control, and it has kicked my butt my entire adult life! I have to make some changes. I’m going to need some help outside myself.  So, instead of family vacation at the beach this year…(where I would just gain more weight), Dad is going away to get some help. Sort of like camp. Their response? My precious family just smiled at me and said, “Dad we love you, and you can do this…we know you can!” So with that humble pie eaten (I like food analogies)…

I packed my bags and prepared myself for camp.

Can I be brutally transparent for a moment? I don’t like skinny people. Let me rephrase that. I don’t like skinny people who can eat whatever they want and not gain weight. It’s just wrong! So I’m at the doctor’s office and I stepped on their scale and apparently it doesn’t work as well as mine at home. I even did the old “lean up high on my tippy toes” routine to no avail. It was humiliating and embarrassing to discover that I’m larger than I’ve ever been.

Now for all of you who never struggle with this issue…good for you…however, let me caution you not to judge me and others as I’m pretty sure you have your own issues. My weight issues started for me when I was 20 years old…just a few years ago. Do the math and basically food has kicked my butt for 23 years! It’s weird. I don’t know if anyone else does this, but I seem to recall the years by my waist size. Frankly, I don’t know of anything more discouraging or defeating for me.

It just makes me sad.

From seeing a closet full of clothes that don’t fit to avoiding people from the past who knew me when I wasn’t this heavy. To speaking in front of a couple thousand people every weekend that watch me swell up like the stay puff marshmallow man. It just stinks! I like to joke it off, but the pain is real and deep. Now I feel like I’m at the crossroads.

What shall I do? Here is my first step.

Ask for help.

This summer in our series “At The Movies,” I spoke on navigating thru the dark seasons of life. To my surprise, it has been one of the most popular and requested series to date. In fact, I started writing a book on it. More on that later…

Throughout the series, one of the things I repeatedly encouraged our church to do was to go see a doctor if you are not feeling well. It sounds simple, but it’s one of the most spiritual things we can do.

I don’t know about you, but I hate going to the doctor! Maybe it’s the whole turn your head and cough thing. At any rate, I have been to more doctors this summer than at any time in my life. I have been poked and prodded like cattle…moo. I have had more blood drawn from my body than I thought was humanly possible. I had no clue I would turn into a blood factory!

The results? Bottom line they said I’m Borderline. My Doc had a long talk with me. He said, “Buddy you are at High Risk for heart disease, a heart attack, diabetes, and more.” Well, thanks a lot for the encouragement, Doc! I’m still absorbing this high risk thing, and frankly I’m working through the ramifications if I don’t change.

Well that’s the bad news. Here is the good news…if I drastically change my lifestyle, I can get out of the high risk area. Well, I’m going for it. My plan?

I’ll share that tomorrow…

I know that’s who we are but I got to tell you it was FANTASTIC to experience it! This weekend I didn’t have to preach so I had the privilege of going to church like everyone else…. I got worship with my family at Northway Church Colonie and it blessed my socks off! I have to tell you even if I wasn’t the pastor I would go to Northway Colonie or Clifton Park. INCREDIBLE!

Northway Colonie was off the chain! Brian kicked off our new series Hello My Name Is….and he brought it on the Good Shepherd. Great job Brian….God was on you! The people of Northway Colonie are amazing …. Thank you for your faith Colonie ….we are just getting started and we are ready to crank in the fall! We will be adding services this fall with our Grand Opening!!

By the way scored some PF Changs in Colonie after the service….very cool

Next weekend, Mark Batterson ….invite your friends!

How much is too much? Been asking myself that a lot lately in a lot of different areas. I need some break thru in my life. I need some break thrus in ministry. So I have fasted 5 hard core days…not all in a row in the past week and a half. Typically on the weekend.

It’s not enough. I’m distracted. I need to hear from God like never before.

So I’m assessing other things I enjoy that I can give up. I’m talking about Fasting. It’s a challenge to let go of something when it’s never been more successful. I have never experienced higher traffic on my blog, but I feel impressed to give up blog food. I’m not going to read anyone’s blog, and I’m shutting down my own for 43 days.

I need to hear from God, not blogs

I’m also asking God, what else do I need to give up? Don’t know if this post was necessary. Don’t know if God is talking to anyone else out there to back off the blog food. I do want to say THANK YOU to all of you out there that have visited and encouraged this blog. Hope to be back in 43. Peace out.

Out of respect for Steven Furtick…we will show Part 3 of CC next Monday.

Just got home from our Connection Group. We have the BEST group! I love these guys…such great discussion…such openness. There is nothing cooler than the church being the church! We talked tonight in our study about the truth that everyone matters to God. We also talked about how all of us struggle with our own value. From a Pastor, to a butcher, to a builder, to a nurse, to a teacher, to an administrative assistant, to a CEO and a business owner…all from different backgrounds…but we ALL grapple with our value.

Wherever I turn these days, God won’t allow me to drift and float away from this truth. The enemy’s number one strategy is to attack God’s children by attacking their worth. Think about it …it worked with our first parents in the Garden of Eden. Why? The enemy attacks our worth because it works!

Jesus Christ’s number one strategy, on the other hand, is to RAISE OUR worth.

How can you tell how much something is worth? By how much someone is willing to pay for it. God gave His Son for you and me on the cross. In other words, anchor yourself in this truth…YOU are priceless. Your worth is immeasurable. God loves you more than you can imagine. This is the message of why we exist as the church…to raise people’s value.

What are some practical ways you can raise other people’s value today?

Just a week ago, John and I were flying over the northern hemisphere returning home from the trip of a life time: China. Why China? We went to see our older sister, Kristin. As soon as we left JFK for China, we immediately morphed from maturity…2 leaders, pastors, husbands and dads…into 2 immature goofball brothers that can laugh gut-wrenchingly at ANYTHING!

Both of us had aisle seats with seats open next to us, and as soon as I got my seat on the 18 hour flight…this dude and his kid sit next to me. Get this, they both had surgeons’ masks on! When I made eye contact with John, it was over…I was destined to get SARS! We both began to shake uncontrollably with laughter. I’ve got to tell you, I love that! I get way too serious, and being with John always takes me back and makes me laugh!

We finally landed. And to see Kristin…a long way away from Elmwood Ave…a long way from a baby sitter who packs a mean punch…Kristin has emerged as a woman of purpose. Kristin is a woman of courage. I don’t have words to communicate the new RESPECT I have for my sister. Bottom line: she is braver than me. I couldn’t do what she does. She has learned a language and a culture, and she eats crazy stuff. She drives to villages, and on top of all of that, Kristin is away from her family. Kristin is the bravest woman I have ever met.

Something twisted happened on this trip. Pecking orders were pealed away. Roles were removed, and a new sibling formula was forged. An emotional bond was woven and twisted in respect, love, and appreciation for each other. Let me say to all you bloggers out there, I don’t know if these posts make sense to you…I know they are long…but that’s OK…I needed to write it. Maybe it’s just more for my bro and sis. Thank you, John, for making this trip possible for me. Thank you for making me laugh, and thank you for who you are. John, you always have made me better. You always challenge me, and you are the most generous man I know. I love you, man!

John and Kristin, I think Solomon redefined us better than I could say it…

Eccl. 4:12 A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer. Three are even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken.